I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
