She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
