TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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