You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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