please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize