I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
