She's JV to your varsity
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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