i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
