FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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