he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
