Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
