Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
