I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
