I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
