The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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