I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
