Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize