It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
