I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
wow bdsm is so cute
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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