I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
