Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
