My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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