Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
