Sponge bath it is.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
