Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
