so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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