im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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