Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize