I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
