Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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