Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
pray to the hookup gods
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
