I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
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