This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
