went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
