I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
