My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Randomize
