He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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