My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
