Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
