Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
