Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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