my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
