He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Randomize
