did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
