Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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