do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
