a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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