Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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