Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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