Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
