Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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