I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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