No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
