There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
