Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
