Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
