you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
