thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
