Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
