3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
