i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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