Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
