i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
