Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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