Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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