My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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