I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
