I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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