That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
