I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
