i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
