He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
