He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
