About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
