You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
